My Creative Writing Using Horrible Grammar

All stories by David Cherry

I spend all day teaching grammar, spelling and usage. I thought it might be fun to write the way my students write for a change. Can you find the mistakes in grammar, spelling and usage?

Contents:

1. The Dog Like a Cat
2. The Friendly Buah-Dey
3. The Big Robot
4. The Black Space Comet
5. The Ice Age Caveman Baby
6. The Garbage Expedition
7. The Polar Bear Equator Vacation
8. The Foreign Exchange Student Program
9. The Pirate Ship Fairy Princess


1. The Dog Like a Cat

In the city there was the good dog name was James. He was on the street looking for the cat late at night. He like to play cat because he like a cat a lot. He thought, “Tonight is the perfect night to play cat! I sure hope I find a cat today to make a cat a friend.”

James walked for three miles and did not find the cat. “Hey,” he said, “Something is wrong because I cannot find the cat in the city.” He sat down and tried to think of a way to make the cat stop hiding. He decide to make the noises like the normal cat. He think, “Hey! If I make the noises like the real alley cat, then I can make a cat a friend for sure!”

First, he made the soft “purr” sound. Nothing happened. No cat came to talk to him. Next, he made the small “mew” sound. The effect was exactly same. A cat didn’t come out to play. Now James was almost giving up, but before that, he made the loud “me-ow” sound.

Suddenly there was the instant response. A bucket of water made James soak. An old shoe hit him on his head. Someone yelled, “Shut up!” James was shivering from the cold water. He was suffering from the shoe. His emotion was depression. He was not liking the treatment.

But now the cats in the city feel sorry. One cat climb down a tree. One cat jump out a window. One cat came out a garbage can. They came to meet James, because the cat imitations impressed many cats a lot.

Now James has the new job entertaining cats. They can’t believe he is the real dog making cat noises.

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2. The Friendly Buah-Dey

One day was a buah-dey for a little cat. The little cat very sweet and gentle, and good for rubbing the fur. It very friendly too. It like a play, and sleep sometime.

When the buah-dey, all a little cats come to create the surprise party on the event of the special day. They design the card, and wrap a beautiful gift for a kitten. They hang the paper and the balloon and throw the confettii in the room.

Now the precious kitten very excited and cry a sentimental tears when it see all a kind friendship. The warm emotion was spreading while cutting the cake and scooping the ice cream. Then a little baby cat sing a buah-dey song.

“Habee buah-dey doo yoo! Habee buah-dey doo yoo!”

Now all the cats singing with gentle sweetness. The buah-dey cat so happy and sobbing very loud. Soon all the cats crying together, and hugging. Soon it time for the buah-dey to end.

And next morning when the shining sunrise, a big surprise colorful mess in the house from the happy day.

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3. The Big Robot

One day a big robot was destroying the innocent city, crushing many things and create the scenario impossible for living the normal routine and everyone was hide from the devastating power.

The big robot was a mechanical handicraft product of the technology genius, Dr. Frank. Dr. Frank not want a create intentional harm for the community, but he careless invent the challenging project to extend the scientific discovery, and not consider all a consequence.

The error was inflicted by the large, stainless steel shoes on the incredible machine, which were the extra large size for fitting an over-sized necessity for cause the main reason of extreme damage capability. Each shoe was nearly two metric tons in capacity.

The robot make mostly from light-weight, high-quality aluminum, and program to walk very carefully along the busy city street. However, the heavy shoes cause the awkward clumsiness. The robot was unable can maintain the delicate balance, drag the feet, and sometimes trip on a car or house by accident and prevent a smooth walking motion for the metallic creation.

Now Dr. Frank very worry that the robot was make too much damage. He press a remote control for send the electronic signal make a nuisance device return to a lab.

Now the robot safe at home. It lying on a table in the laboratory workshop. Dr. Frank busy making for the new pair of shoes. Now the new shoes soft and very comfortable; not dangerous like the old shoes.

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4. The Black Space Comet


The black space comet was very far from the sun. It was made from snow and ice and iron rock. It was the remote object in the solar system. A scientist never discovered it before. Every year it travelled around the sun very fast, and every 1000 years it could fly very close to the earth.

One day a government scientist saw the comet on a computer screen. His emotion was intense fear because the large comet could destroy the planet. His reaction was calling the president and telling him the sad news about the unfortunate data. The comet was planning to hit the earth tomorrow.

The president almost screamed. The news for the comet was the national emergency, and there was no time left over. The comet was leaving no time for the evacuation strategy and not enough rockets to take people to the moon. The president called NASA. He was looking for a volunteer to fly the space shuttle mission was to put a bomb on the comet and push a button.

Only a brave astronaut could fly the insane mission. He was the last chance for a peaceful result before the hectic arrival of the dangerous asteroid. He was riding the rocket quickly to stop the meteor. He did not have time to enjoy the view. His attitude was seriousness and his mature focus was on completing the difficult task.

Now he was landing the bulky spaceship on the cold rock surface. He put on the thick expensive space suit. Next he put on large boots and a nice helmet. He put on the back pack filled with batteries and oxygen. He went outdoors into the cold, unpleasant weather.
The situation was difficult because extreme radiation was everywhere, and the weightless feeling made it difficult to move with accuracy. Now Winnie was using the electric drill equipment to make a hole in the meteor. When the hole reached the asteroid middle, it was time to install the powerful bomb.

Now the meteor was very close to Earth, and sweat was appearing on the eyebrows of the hard-working astronaut. He filled the hole with the high-explosive putty. This tense part of the difficult work was the most stressful time for the dedicated volunteer.

At last the mission was complete except for pushing the explode button. Winnie was returning to the door of the spacecraft when there was a surprise. There was an alien monster on the meteor. The alien monster was the hungry monster ready to eat the unfortunate astronaut.

Winnie knew that a bomb was expecting to explode. He quickly took the electric drill and made a new hole in the monster belly button. Now all the gross internal liquid of the unattractive creature squeezed out into the outer space vacuum. It was self defense.

Winnie returned to the rocket. He sat down on the pilot chair and drove the rocket to the safe distance. Now Winnie could relax and push the button to watch the big explosion. The Earth was in relief. The television news crew was very happy because the meteor couldn’t destroy the planet. It was a celebration.

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5. The Ice Age Caveman Baby

A long time ago, there was an Ice Age. All the animals have a long fur. The only survivors of the great Ice Age were the small cave family who lived in the stone-age cave. The only thing they had was a fire to warm and eat.

Every day Popooga Oogabooga went outdoors to hunt the family food, such as great sabertooth tiger, wooly mammoth, or wooly rhinocerous. Popooga Oogabooga would strangle the helpless animal with his powerful hands. Then Popooga Oogabooga drag a dead meat home to the cave.

Popooga Oogabooga give a meat to Momooga Oogabooga. She cut off the hair then stew a meat and roast a meat, and cook a meat and fry a meat, and work all day.

In the Ice Age summertime, Popooga Oogabooga would take his little infant into the forest to teach him to hunt the delicious elephant. Infant name was Boyooga Oogabooga. Boyooga Oogabooga always want a grow up and be like Popooga Oogabooga.

One day, Boyooga Oogabooga walked in the snow leaving footprints everywhere. When a sabertooth tiger was walking behind him, he was smelling the footprints and making the hungry animal noises.

Boyooga Oogabooga recognized the animal, however, the snow caused difficulty for the running. Now the sabertooth tiger was breathing on Boyooga Oogabooga. Boyooga Oogabooga was beginning to scream.

The scream of the frightened caveman infant cause the avalanche to overflow into the glacier. Snow was falling everywhere, and the sabertooth tiger was swimming helplessly in the high snow.

Boyooga Oogabooga was feeling the relaxation after the near-death experience. He salvage a sabertooth tiger and take the suffocated animal to the cave of the Ice Age family.

Momooga Oogabooga made a warm sabertooth clothes for Boyooga Oogabooga, and the sabertooth tiger meat was cook on a fire for the warm meal in the cave.

Popooga Oogabooga now very proud of Boyooga Oogabooga because Boyooga Oogabooga told the story dishonestly about the day he kill a sabertooth tiger with the bare hands.

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6. The Garbage Expedition

One day Woofy Puppi was walking down the sidewalk. Suddenly he smelled an interesting smell from the can of garbage on the corner. Woofy decided that the smell was a very good smell. Therefore, Woofy pushed the garbage can over. Suddenly, there was garbage all over the street.

The good food smell was very faint. Woofy was inhibited about entering the garbage. However, there was only one way to finalize his satisfaction. Woofy held his breath and he went into the deep garbage. He used his nose to detect the scent as he searched for the good food smell.

Woofy could smell many things. Many of the smells were extremely bad. Woofy Puppi struggled for breath. There was stinky garbage surrounding him, but he retained his focus. Suddenly the sweet smell of food attracted his nostrils. He seized the sweet food and came forth from the garbage with his delicious prize.

Now Woofy is feeling the satisfaction. He eats the sweet food and drinks from the cool mud puddle to quench the thirst. He sleeps in the dark shade surrounding the big tree. He is dreaming about something.

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7. The Polar Bear Equator Vacation

Sammy was the largest polar bear, because he liked to eat a fat baby seal. He was very hungry and ate many times each day until he had the extreme world-record weight. He was famous in the newspaper and on the TV show, and he made a lot of money. He had the comfortable life with the big car, big igloo house, and big polar bear wife.

Now he was bored with the North Pole lifestyle. Every day, he was eating the same food. Every day he was disgusted and tired of eating the baby seal meat all the time. His appetite was disappearing, and his bountiful weight was dropping in astonishment.

Only the holiday vacation away from the North Pole would prevent his insanity. Sammy purchased the one-way ticket to the equator. This was the popular vacation destination package.

When Sammy got off the plane at the equator, he was stunned by the warm heat. He went to the hotel room for relax in the cool air conditioning to revive himself.

Afterwards, he was ready to enjoy the tropical activities for the equator resort, such as surfing, water skiing, and scuba diving. He enjoyed the suntan on the beach and fell asleep.

When he woke up, he had the sunburn his appearance was the brown grizzly bear instead of the white polar bear! He asked a tourist to take a picture because he knew the suntan would go away. He wanted a picture to remember the handsome suntan effect.
There were many things to eat at the beach like the hotdog, and the hamburger, and the fried chicken and the French fries. All the foods were very good to create a fat polar bear.

Now Sammy was the deepest heavyweight polar bear. It was time to end his enjoyment of the equator and return to his family at the North Pole. The vacation was relaxing and successful. He bought a lot of souvenirs and t-shirts, and he regained the impressive weight.

When he returned to his welcome home, his wife made the dinner. Sammy was happy because the plate was filled with the wholesome baby seal meat.

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8. The Foreign Exchange Student Program

In a cartoon, the friendly polar bear loves to drinking the Coke and playing happily with the cute penguin friend. In the real life, a polar bear never meet a baby penguin friend because a polar bear live in a frozen Arctic Circle, and a baby penguin live in Antarctica.

Except one day, a polar bear teacher make a good project for the class. She tell all a children polar bear boys and girls in the Arctic Circle class to write the friendly pen pal letter to a children penguin boys and girls in the Antarctica class and send it at a post office.

When a penguin teacher recieve the many charming letter, she delighted, and suggest for the penguin children to respond to the communication to send many response, drawing and photo, and many email, chat and Facebook.

With a correspondence initiated the idea for the cultural exchange between a continent, and all a children learn a foreign language for visit and apply for passport visa, and buy a plane ticket for the exciting trip.

When a many penguin boys and girls arrive at a North Pole, the Arctic Circle polar bear class waiting for welcome. All the penguin class coming off a plane and talking excitedly. The polar bears meeting a penguins cheerfully for a first time, and take away to eat a dinner.

The polar bear student president give a formal speech thank a penguin children for attend a dinner and hope the dinner will be nice for delicious, and express the sympathetic regret for a short time can spend together before say goodbye.

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9. The Pirate Ship Fairy Princess

One day, the giant cruise ship, Fairy Princess was sailing in the Caribbean. The accommodations were luxurious and beautiful. All the passengers were enjoying themselves, playing games, dancing, dinning, strolling about the deck and sunbathing by the pool.

But suddenly, disaster struck! There was a terrible economic crash, and the wealthy, affluent passengers lost all their savings and investments. At first, the passengers panicked. But then they mutinied and took control of the cruise ship. They fitted the Fairy Princess with guns and cannon, and set sail for reckless pirate adventure.

They attacked another cruise ship, the Fluffy Kitten. The pirates rammed the Fluffy Kitten and went aboard. The pirates stole all the passengers’ gold, souvenirs and fashionable apparel. Surprisingly, many passengers from the Fluffy Kitten thought that a pirate life would be more interesting than their ordinary lives of boredom, so they joined the crew of the Fairy Princess. The Fluffy Kitten was bigger than the Fairy Princess, but the pirates decided to sink the Fluffy Kitten, because it was badly damaged in the attack.

Next, the Fairy Princess attacked a US Navy aircraft carrier. The pirates pretended to be in distress, and flew the distress signal flag. When the aircraft carrier came closer, the Fairy Princess attacked. The pirates took all the weapons, ammunition, helicopters and jets. Then they blew up the aircraft carrier, sending her to the bottom of the sea.

The pirates went to France, to steal wine, cheese and French bread. Then they went to Italy and took many photos of fine architecture and stole many Renaissance works of art, and brought them back to the ship. Then they set sail for Asia, where they stole watches, handbags, fashionable clothing, music and videos. Most of the merchandise was pirated already. The crew of the Fairy Princess joked about the irony, and laughed merrily.

Then they sailed for Iran to get some oil to run the ship and some uranium to make a bomb. They took a lot of oil and uranium, but the crew decided that making a bomb was too dangerous, so they threw the uranium into the ocean. Then they sailed for Africa.

When the pirates in Somalia heard that the Fairy Princess was coming, they panicked, because the pirates aboard the Fairy Princess had become even more fearsome than the Somalis. The Somalis asked the United States to help them stop the terrible threat, but it was too late.

Now the Fairy Princess was attacking the Somali pirates with ruthless aggression. Helicopters and jets were striking the Somali cities, and on the ocean, many Somali pirate ships were burning and sinking. Some Somali pirates wanted to join the crew of the Fairy Princess, but the pirates aboard the Fairy Princess were not impressed by the Somali pirates.

Then the Fairy Princess set sail back to the Caribbean, and the pirates set up a base in Bermuda. The base was like a luxury resort, with a casino and lots of shopping. The pirates had many happy adventures together, with music and dancing on the beach every night.

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